How to write a wedding speech or toast that people enjoy

Most people dread a wedding speech more than they need to. The best ones are not clever; they are short, kind and specific. If you have been asked to speak, you have already been trusted with something simple: say, in a few minutes, why you are glad these two people found each other.

Keep it to three to five minutes

Written down, that is roughly 400 to 600 words. Guests are hungry, glasses are filling and there may be several speeches. A short speech is always remembered more kindly than a long one.

A structure that works

1. 1Greet the room and say who you are, in one sentence. Not everyone will know.
2. 2Share one specific story or moment that shows the person, rather than a list of qualities.
3. 3Say what you have noticed about the two of them together.
4. 4Finish with a wish for their future, then ask everyone to raise a glass.

What suits each speaker

• Parents: welcome the new family member, mention a memory from childhood, and keep advice light.
• Best man or maid of honour: one warm, affectionate story, a gentle joke and real feeling at the end.
• The couple: thank the guests and your families by name, and say what the day means to you.

What to leave out

• Stories about former partners, or anything that would embarrass the couple's family.
• Inside jokes that most of the room cannot follow.
• Anything that depends on alcohol to be funny.
• A long list of thank-yous. Thank the few people who matter most.

Delivering it calmly

Slow down more than feels natural, pause after jokes and look at the couple and then at the room. Take a sip of water before you begin. A shaky voice at an emotional moment is not a failure; people will be on your side.

The goal is not to perform. It is to let two people hear, in front of everyone they love, that someone is glad they found each other.