Who does what: sharing wedding planning with your partner, family and friends

Planning a wedding is a project with dozens of tasks, and it is common for one partner to end up doing most of them. Sharing the work early, openly and with clear instructions protects both the day and the relationship.

Divide by strengths and interests

• Make a list of everything that needs to be done, then each of you marks the tasks you would enjoy or are good at.
• Split what is left fairly, aiming for a similar amount of work, not necessarily identical tasks.
• Agree who makes the final call on each area, so decisions do not stall.
• Review the split every month, because workloads change.

What to hand to family and friends

• Parents: hosting the family, travel for relatives, one specific item they care about.
• Wedding party: transport for guests, decorations on the day, looking after the elderly, collecting gifts.
• Friends with skills: music, a speech, flowers, setting up the room.
• A trusted helper: acting as the day-of contact so that you are not the one answering questions.

Make a task easy to accept

1. 1Describe the job in a sentence: what, where, by when.
2. 2Say how much time it will take and what it should cost, if anything.
3. 3Give them the authority to decide within clear limits.
4. 4Say thank you and check in once, not constantly.

Keep everyone informed without endless messages

Use one shared place for the plan, the guest list and the schedule, so that people do not need to ask you. When the plan changes, update it once and tell people where to look. Give each helper access only to the part they need.

A wedding planned by a team is rarely more stressful than one planned by two exhausted people, and it is usually a lot more fun.